queenofchaos

I found this great article on Dr. Phil’s site and realized I have never done this sort of inner looking before. I am going to give it a try today and see if this helps me. If you do this with me be sure to post a message so I can go read your on your blog.

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This exercise is designed to help you turn back the clock and get to the heart of why you overeat. Get a pen and some paper and write down your answers to the questions below.

1. When did you start using food for non-nutritional reasons? Why was it that you started medicating yourself with food, taking care of yourself with food and comforting yourself with food? Go back to that time and write down what you were feeling and experiencing at the time.

 I have always loved food as a kid. I was thin up until three years ago and never watched my portions. I always had a big appetite. So I have always been an over eater, but never paid the consequenses for that until now. My older sister was the cook because my mother was never home and I remember sometimes she would comfort us by making cookies, and comfort foods. I remember feeling motherly feelings towards my sister when she did this. I guess I really needed my mother to be at home, I guess I wanted a traditional mother….wow…okay.

I think three years ago when my hubby and I were having trouble getting pregnant I cooked a lot more food. I would bake all day to take my mind off of all the charts and stress of trying to get pregnant. I also ate all day but did not worry because I had never been more than a size 16 at my heaviest and size 16 looked really good on me. I guess I did medicate myself with food to comfort myself, and it continued even after I did finally get pregnant with my last baby.

I also now realize that I will sometimes way overstock my pantry with things like cheap snacks because there were times when I was growing up that we would have a lot of food one week then have to go to food pantry’s on another. This scared me as a kid and I always fear running out. I am very obsessed sometimes with making sure we are overstocked with food.

2. Write down all of the insecurities that you’re feeling right now.

Vulnerable for exposing myself this way.

Like I want to comfort myself even though I thought I had let those feelings go.

Sorry for my child self who had to use food as a comfort because there was no motherly bond.

I see I connect food somehow with my feelings and anger towards my mother.

I still fear running out of food even though that has never happened since I became an adult.

I still fear my own children having those kinds of feelings towards me so I sometimes cook special foods and treats and will overdo it for special occasions…wait no I do it all the time! For weekend football, family night, sunday dinners I focus main events around food all the time…huh.

3. Now look at your answers to question one and question two together. The answers to question two may be more specific because you don’t have to remember as far back, but do you see similarities?

I see similarities and patterns here.

4. Now take every comment, fear and anxiety that you wrote down in response to questions one and two and challenge them. In writing. For example, if one of your fears is, “My spouse isn’t really attracted to me because of my weight,” challenge it by writing down a piece of evidence. Evidence isn’t, “Because that’s the way I feel.” Write down any facts you have that can support your challenge. For example, “My spouse met, fell in love with, and married me while I was at my heaviest weight.”

Challenge every fear and negative thought you wrote down in this manner with facts you can support.

I still fear running out of food and overbuy…well this have never happened. Even if the pantry is low my husband is paid every week and we have savings.

My own children are greatly bonded to me, I know this and still use food to try and give them memories when I know it’s the special times we spend together and not the food.

I now see there is a central theme here. My childhood fears, the stress over getting pregnant and my over doing things with my own family are all centered around my feelings as a mother. Being a Mom and wanting my children to know I am just so crazy in love with them is very important to me…so important that I sometimes base my whole life around this. hmmm I will need to do some more soul searching today.

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