queenofchaos

I woke up this afternoon morning in a good mood. My husband was playing stupid football games on the computer home. I asked him to take out the garbage so he bitched and whined like a little girl until I threatned him with no nookie happily complied. I started the crapload of laundry that’s been piling up all week laundry and made breakfast. To make my day start off like a horror movie even better myy hideious lovely bloosucking demon mother let me know she wants to torture me have us over on Sunday for some unbeleivebly boring family time. I informed her I would rather bungee jump without the cord love too and would drag my ass kicking and screaming be there in the afternoon.  That seemed to apease the dragon please her very much.

I finally got off my lazy ass found the storage box for the xmas tree and put it away. Holy bats turds batman Wow, yeah it February so what the hell.

Now I am sitting her bitching blogging to get back on track with my day again.

save me, save me, save me…..

I have an assload of laundry to do but I need to make sure I am doing my log everyday. Yeah one more day till Friday! Friday is park day and I take the kids to meet our homeschool group. It is just as much for the moms since it is our time to sit and just talk for hours!

Food:

Breakfast-glass of 1% milk

Lunch-Leab cuisine grilled steak -pretty good!

Dinner-Baked chkn breast, half a baked potato with salsa and a salad with low fat itialian dressing.

Exercise:

Long time no see slimbuddies. I had a little cold but I feel better now. I was able to keep up with my diet since chicken soup three times a day kept me in my points limit. Thanks progresso soup! lol I have not exercised and probably won’t feel like it today so I am hoping I will have at least a small loss this week. I am tired so I will put all my food on later.

I found this great article on Dr. Phil’s site and realized I have never done this sort of inner looking before. I am going to give it a try today and see if this helps me. If you do this with me be sure to post a message so I can go read your on your blog.

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This exercise is designed to help you turn back the clock and get to the heart of why you overeat. Get a pen and some paper and write down your answers to the questions below.

1. When did you start using food for non-nutritional reasons? Why was it that you started medicating yourself with food, taking care of yourself with food and comforting yourself with food? Go back to that time and write down what you were feeling and experiencing at the time.

 I have always loved food as a kid. I was thin up until three years ago and never watched my portions. I always had a big appetite. So I have always been an over eater, but never paid the consequenses for that until now. My older sister was the cook because my mother was never home and I remember sometimes she would comfort us by making cookies, and comfort foods. I remember feeling motherly feelings towards my sister when she did this. I guess I really needed my mother to be at home, I guess I wanted a traditional mother….wow…okay.

I think three years ago when my hubby and I were having trouble getting pregnant I cooked a lot more food. I would bake all day to take my mind off of all the charts and stress of trying to get pregnant. I also ate all day but did not worry because I had never been more than a size 16 at my heaviest and size 16 looked really good on me. I guess I did medicate myself with food to comfort myself, and it continued even after I did finally get pregnant with my last baby.

I also now realize that I will sometimes way overstock my pantry with things like cheap snacks because there were times when I was growing up that we would have a lot of food one week then have to go to food pantry’s on another. This scared me as a kid and I always fear running out. I am very obsessed sometimes with making sure we are overstocked with food.

2. Write down all of the insecurities that you’re feeling right now.

Vulnerable for exposing myself this way.

Like I want to comfort myself even though I thought I had let those feelings go.

Sorry for my child self who had to use food as a comfort because there was no motherly bond.

I see I connect food somehow with my feelings and anger towards my mother.

I still fear running out of food even though that has never happened since I became an adult.

I still fear my own children having those kinds of feelings towards me so I sometimes cook special foods and treats and will overdo it for special occasions…wait no I do it all the time! For weekend football, family night, sunday dinners I focus main events around food all the time…huh.

3. Now look at your answers to question one and question two together. The answers to question two may be more specific because you don’t have to remember as far back, but do you see similarities?

I see similarities and patterns here.

4. Now take every comment, fear and anxiety that you wrote down in response to questions one and two and challenge them. In writing. For example, if one of your fears is, “My spouse isn’t really attracted to me because of my weight,” challenge it by writing down a piece of evidence. Evidence isn’t, “Because that’s the way I feel.” Write down any facts you have that can support your challenge. For example, “My spouse met, fell in love with, and married me while I was at my heaviest weight.”

Challenge every fear and negative thought you wrote down in this manner with facts you can support.

I still fear running out of food and overbuy…well this have never happened. Even if the pantry is low my husband is paid every week and we have savings.

My own children are greatly bonded to me, I know this and still use food to try and give them memories when I know it’s the special times we spend together and not the food.

I now see there is a central theme here. My childhood fears, the stress over getting pregnant and my over doing things with my own family are all centered around my feelings as a mother. Being a Mom and wanting my children to know I am just so crazy in love with them is very important to me…so important that I sometimes base my whole life around this. hmmm I will need to do some more soul searching today.

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Happy Saturday slimbuddy community! I am really excited to start a new week. I trusted myself enough that I bought myself a few snacks at the grocery store this week. I bought sugar free jello, sugar free chocolate pudding, 100 calorie snack packs of cookies and some weight watchers cakes, and pickles. I will see how it goes and if I am able to have these things in the house again. I love all the new variety of 100 calore snack packs out there, there are a lot of them!

As usual I will update this log thruought the day.

 Food:

Breakfast-2 jenny0 turkey sausage links and three tablespoons of scrabled eggs.  (Will add points later)

Lunch- Glass of crystal light lemonade 0pts-Healthy choice Cajun chnk and shrimp with rice-5pts total

Review-Healthy choice cajun style chnk and shrimp This was just okay. First I think their should have been more chkn. If the name of the dish has chkn as the star there should be more than 5 little chunks. The chkn was tender and the shrimp looked surprisingly fresh though it was chewy. It was appealing in appearance with tasty little bits of green bell pepper that really made the dish. It was a perfect lunch size portion and might help any cravings for spicy dishes, the heat was mild though-I give it ** two stars

Dinner-1 peice of fish 1/2 cup rice, green beans and salad with fat free italian

Exercise:

We went grocery shopping tonight and I could not wait until Sunday to weigh myself so I went ahead and I lost 6 more lbs!!! I am so freaking high on adreneline right now I can’t stand it.

 It makes me kind of sad that I waited this long to find weight watchers to help me do this….weight watchers rocks!!!!

Now I am wondering though when these huge loses are going to slow down…yeah I like the big numbers. lol

I think for me…one of the most embarassing things about being overweight is the good ole muffin top. I have lost some weight (yeah!) but still am on a never ending quest for good undergarments and clothes that help hide the dreaded muffin top, sure I could wear higher waisted jeans, and I do not wear short shirts but I am young still and I like to wear fashionable things, who wants back fat spilling out over the top? NOT ME! So in honor of muffin tops I listed below some great items that can help…list any of your own, I love to share Ideas!

 I love Spanx and the slim cognito is super comfy. I have found that I can wear even a thin bouse and you can not see the body shaper. Made SURE you buy the corrects size, do not try to buy the next size under thinking it will suck you in more…trust me. It will just give you extra lumps where buying your size will help hide flaws!

TummyTuck jeans are my FAVORITE jeans ever. Yes, they are a little pricey but I swear they do exactly as they advertise. (okay I have to make one snarky little comment though…does the chick in the advertising REALLY have curves…snort! Come on tummytuck people…please.)

No not THOSE privates…lol

For anyone out there who is hesitant about posting a new blog or asking for buddies, let today be the day you delurk and show us who you are. I have been here a couple of weeks now and I tell you you will never find a more supportive community like slimbuddy. There have been many times I have had cravings and came to blog or just read about other’s struggles and said to myself  “if they can do it, I can do it.”

Make a blog and show us who you are!

 Don’t wait to start Monday, don’t wait until everything is perfect come out and join us, you will not be sorry!

Add a buddy, blog, but take advantage of this great community.

Just two more days till weigh in! I am excited to see if I lost this week. I am pretty sure I did. My wrists and lower arms look smaller to me.

I will update this log as the day goes along.

Food:

Breakfast-1 banana 2 pts-organic 2% milk 1 cup 3 pts=5pts total

Lunch: Lean cuisine, sante fe style rice and beans=pts 5

Exercise:

I need ideas please! I am doing weight watchers. I truly, truly do not like pre-packaged, processed foods, I have a pretty advanced and adventurous palate. But right not I need my lunches and some dinners to be pre-made and easy to heat. I am a stay-at-home-mom of three, I homeschool my kids, I am a writer, and I run a 200 family homeschool group, along with teaching other homeschoolers 1 day a week….so yeah I am busy!

I am used to buying only market fresh organic foods, grass fed meats and we even buy our milk and butter raw. So we only eat fresh ingredients. So even the fanciest retraunts in town have nothing on my food…lol  Right now though since I have gained all this weight it is impossible to eat this way. I need fast, quick and processed.

 My problem is finding “the good stuff,” things that are prepackaged that actually taste yummy.

So far I like the lean cuisine pizzas and the lean cuisine santefe beans and rice is good too. I know everyone’s tastes are different but if you have a prepackaged meal you love please let me know!!!!